we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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