jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
