It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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