Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
