All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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