If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
