It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I understand Curling. That high.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
