I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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