I love black thongs
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
