I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize