I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
