I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
