I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
