I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
