And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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