There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hippo gnu deer
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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