help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
