The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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