Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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