We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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