a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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