hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
