Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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