You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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