I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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