my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
why is half of my head shaved?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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