did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you pee in the oven last night??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
