Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
