What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
