he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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