i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
