We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
