Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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