FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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