I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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