Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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