Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
