didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just invented taco cereal.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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