i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
