I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
