At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize