he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
