I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
