Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
