Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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