Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
