ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
