Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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