apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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