I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
