She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
