I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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