when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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